I should have seen the warning signs, my speech has become muddled and I am slurring my words, so much so this week I have had to explain that I wasn't drunk and my mug was full of coffee and not gin.
I have been unconsciously clenching my jaw and teeth so tight that when I talk I notice that the pain is nasty.
I always rub my feet together (stimming), but each night I have been running a full-blown marathon in bed.
My insomnia is getting quite impressive, so I have been painting/crafting at night as I get bored trying to sleep. Please see https://www.instagram.com/mind.fulnesscreative/
Today I started the morning with a 3 hrs meeting with my Local Authority boss (I am on sabbatical) in a busy coffee shop – conflicting noise, frenetic people fighting for seat/space dominance and stark bright lighting. It was a great catch-up, but a neurodiversity nightmare for my senses and it challenged my masking mastery. I was conscious of my increased rate of blinking, something I do when I am trying my best to maintain a normal level of eye contact. I then went on to work with an online client and our psychotherapy session was productive.
At approximately 4.30 pm it happened, some call it burn out and some call it overload, whatever you call it, it rips my knitting.
Pain (for example my elbows feel like someone has been sawing them in half)
Limited body strength
IBS (that's the jobbies by the way)
The cognitive functioning of an amoeba
Irritability – don't even breathe around me…..
And so on and on and on………..and on………..
I am still consciously trying to unclench my jaw as I am typing.
I had to go to bed and I have managed to bring myself around just in time for bedtime – oh the irony….
There is an increasing awareness of links between Fibromyalgia and neurodivergence among healthcare professionals. I cannot wait for there to be an understanding and Fibro treatment plan. Cause telling me to do yoga when my elbows are being cut in two with a rusty saw and I cannot carry my body weight up my stairs isn't going to work….Neither is having a bath, I would run the risk of being stuck in there and turning into soup.
Okay, so what do I do? well I rest, I try to be mindful, I put on my positive big girl pants, I remind myself it will pass and I will do some art. There is a joke on tik tok about mental health practitioners suggesting to clients to have a nice cup of tea, as it will make them feel better …… so I am going to do that!
"…. Tomorrow is another day." Scarlett O'Hara, 'Gone With The Wind'.